im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
