i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
COCAINE IS GR8
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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