don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
