roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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