I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
