Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
