So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
