I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
