Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
