Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize