I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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