I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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