my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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