i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
