Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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