So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
sarcasm needs its own font
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
