I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
