I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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