I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
