My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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