I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
