Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
