I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
