help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
