bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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