Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Still dying that you shit outside
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
