New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
pray to the hookup gods
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
