Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
