This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
