Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
