they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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