I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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