a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
