Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
