ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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