so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
