Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
