until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
