My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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