Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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