So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
