and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
