and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
