The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
