I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
