Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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