Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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