The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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