did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
