Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
