Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize