We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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