I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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