I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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