I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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