just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
