its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
