let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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