Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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