You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
