I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
