he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
