I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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