It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
