oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
