As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
