I need help removing her.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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