the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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