You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
