I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
