Fine. I'll sleep in my office
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
