Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
