I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
