dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
