Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
