i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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