Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
