at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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