dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
