dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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