So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
