Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
