i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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