The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
