I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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