I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
