So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
