and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
