Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
