Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
