This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
